Tag Archives: movies

The Princess and the Frog liveblog

This live blog is brought to you by Global Warming: making it so cold we have no choice but to stay inside.

Though missed by those of our my generation, this movie is notable for having a black princess, allowing Disney to finally collect them all. Also notable for being one of the last non-CGI animated films.

They have taken the interesting narrative step of having the original fairy tale be known inside the world of the story.

These characters are extremely southern.

Tiana’s father just told her that hard work is more important than wishing on a star. I like this movie already.

They’re even singing about cotton gins. In case you didn’t get that this is the south.

Seriously, though, New Orleans does have great food.

The character voiced by John Goodman looks like him, too. I wonder if that’s true of most animated characters? Probably not true of Bob and Larry.

And now the mother is extolling the importance of forming a family over the importance of building your career. This movie has layers.

Although the moral probably ends up cutting against her.

The prince is kind of a jerk to his man servant.

Here comes the villain. He’s a witch doctor. And he has a pretty good villain song.

“When a woman says ‘later,’ she really means ‘not ever.'”

Villain tempts prince and servant by appealing to greed and pride, respectively. Layers, I say!

Not sure what they’re planning to do with the spoiled white girl. She’s painted as ditzy, but friendly to the protagonist.

Dream-crushing moment came pretty early.

If a talking frog demanded a kiss, would you do it?

Kiss turned the girl into a frog. Twist!

You know, the man-servant/traitor looks a lot like those old anti-Semitic Jewish cartoons.

Frog prince? More like horny toad, if you get my drift.

All Disney movies must have at least two animal sidekicks. This one has an alligator.

Usually the animals don’t get their own song, though.

What will Tiana’s restaurant have? Gumbo, jambalaya, po boys, muffalettas. Because it’s in New Orleans, in case you forgot.

I guess this also has a Cajun firefly sidekick.

Sure is brave of this firefly to help some frogs.

Villain just summoned the Vashta Nerada to help him.

I don’t like this prince. I’m rooting against him and Tiana getting together.

Villain is tempting Tiana now with images of her dream. I wish he’d gotten more screen time.

Bad end for the villain. And that is why you don’t do voodoo, kids.

Love story was a little forced on this one.

Not many movies make you feel bad about a bug dying.

But I guess he became a star? Seems a little superfluous to the plot.

Cut straight from a funeral to the happy ending.

Pretty good film overall. Themes of hard work and resisting temptation interleaved with a jazz playing alligator.

Overall ranking: Alladin > Princess and the Pea > Little Mermaid > Frozen.

I had a hard time deciding between this and Little Mermaid. The better moral won out. I’m a sucker for movies with good morals; I even liked Spiderman 2.

Aladdin liveblog

Liveblogging of Aladdin is about to begin!

Not just any Aladdin, either. This is the platinum edition. Enhanced for the home theater!

I don’t remember all the words to Arabian Nights. This saddens me.

Wait, they changed it? Then I do remember the words!

More proof that everything was better when I was a kid, including things from when I was a kid.

I have just been informed that I am in fact watching the Platinum Politically Correct Cleansed of Badthink Edition.

It’s strange when you consider that the entire story is really just made up by a sketchy salesman trying to sell you tchotchke.

Aladdin is a smart, able bodied fellow. Why doesn’t he get a freakin’ job instead of stealing bread?

I hadn’t realized it until now, but Aladdin is clearly a statist parable. Consider Aladdin. Perfectly capable of going out, working hard, and bettering himself, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits back and wishes for riches to just be given to him. The ideal citizen! All that is lacking is some all-powerful entity to grant his wishes. Enter the government/the genie. The Genie is of course Blue. Everything is going great, until the bad guy, who is robed in red, steals control of the Govergenie. It’s so obvious! Wake up sheeple!

A chase ending in manure! The BttF classic move!

Aladdin has self esteem issues. I bet getting a JOB would help with that.

Princess is uninterested in all these boring, reliable, super-rich princes. Clearly she needs an exciting bad boy to come along.

The sultan and Jafar pose the age old question: would you rather be ruled by dumb and good, or smart and evil?

Or maybe they answer it. Good and dumb is the nominal ruler, but we know Jafar actually runs the place.

There’s got to be a good story behind how Jafar and Iago connected.

I wish I had a monkey sidekick.

“Touch nothing but the lamp.” And the magic carpet, I guess.

Monkey sidekicks: good for getting out of prison, bad for getting out of caves of wonder.

The carpet ride out of the cave of wonders was the hardest part of the SNES video game.

The cave closed much more quickly for the first guy.

And here’s Robin Williams. Now I have a sad.

Tricking an all-powerful being who has probably been driven insane by solitary confinement may not be the smartest move. Especially when you have a magic carpet which can do the job just as well.

See? The genie himself just used the carpet.

Aladdin’s first wish is to be a prince. But the whole rest of the movie is about how he’s not really a prince. He should get the wish refunded.

Have viziers always been evil, or is Aladdin responsible for that stereotype?

Jasmine really should recognize him. He’s not even wearing glasses as a disguise.

Aladdin can fly and completely hide his identity with the flimsiest disguises. He’s superman!

I wonder if we can get my daughter singing A Whole New World instead of Let it Go from now on.

Magic carpets were the hotrods of the past. Total chick magnet.

Jasmine should be happy that Aladdin isn’t dead, instead of being mad at him.

You’d think they’d be more careful about offing a visiting prince. That’s how you start a war.

Aladdin saw right through whole hypnostaff thing. How did he know about those?

“Praise Allah!” -Disney

They got engaged after just one date. Disney characters move quick.

I wouldn’t let the genie go free. Too dangerous to have such a powerful creature off leash.

I’d give him the option of turning human or staying put.

Aladdin is not dressed for a snowy wasteland at all. He doesn’t even have abs! Why show off your chest if you don’t have abs?

Jafar is a great villain. He has a bad pun to go along with every evil move he makes.

Contrariwise, the boss fight with Snake Jafar was not that hard.

Although you have to throw apples at him a bunch before tricking him.

Genie Jafar really illustrates the problem with freeing genies. You don’t know what they’ll do with those powers! (As the direct to video sequel illustrated.)

Aladdin, you don’t need to worry about wishes to spare for the genie. Let Jasmine use that wish!

It only took the sultan the entire movie to remember that he’s able to change laws.

Conclusion: Aladdin was as good as I remembered. Good characters, good story, well paced, well executed. Unlike Frozen.

You know, the movie never gets back to the sketchy merchant who was telling the story. But that last direct-to-video sequel *does*. I wonder if this was planned, or they just forgot and realized later.

Frozen liveblog

Though we have never seen the movie, Daughter is nevertheless obsessed with Frozen. In a few minutes, we will see what all the fuss is about. I will be live blogging the experience.

It starts.

Little girls never sing this intro song.

Silly troll. Brainwashing is not how you treat hypothermia.

Ah, here’s Build a Snowman.

Daughter doesn’t just sing this, she acts it out. Sometimes with the refrigerator door. Adorable, right?

WRONG! The parents die in the middle. Disney had caused my daughter to act out my death on a daily basis.

There sure are a lot of songs. Was Lion King 90% music?

Well, Hans and Anna sure move quickly.

On the other hand, they are both rich. That’s a good sign that it’s meant to be.

“I think it’s crazy; we finish each other’s sandwiches.” IT IS CRAZY. Joey doesn’t share food!

Why does everybody think we’d be anti-X-men? Everybody *wants* superpowers.

At least Elsa stuck with her real name instead of picking a lame one like “Iceman.”

Ah, here comes The Song.

“No right, no wrong, no rules for me.” Elsa is promoting Nietzsche.

Kristof has been negging Anna like crazy. I assume he becomes the real love interest, instead of the sensible, reliable, honorable, rich prince.

The snowman is singing about how excited he is to do “whatever snow does in summer.” This movie is sick.

Elsa sure switched to murder mode quickly. Maybe they’re right about sorceresses after all.

Why doesn’t Elsa just make another snow monster?

The moral is that nice guys are secretly evil.

Anna, falling in love with the first guy you ever met didn’t work so well. That doesn’t mean the second guy you ever met was actually The One.

(Neo is the One.)

(Also Sheridan and two others.)

It’s over. Lion King is still the best. Take that, kids these days!

Son is still clapping, but he claps for everything.

This is the first time I’ve seen a girl dressed as Anna. (Still way more Elsas. It was like Halloween all over again.)

The bad guy threatens your kingdom! What do you do?
A) The answer is love, maaan. Love.
B) Climactic cliff top showdown, as fires rage around you.
And that is why Lion King is better than Frozen.

Mufasa had it coming

As the parent of a small child, my life has become all Frozen, all the time. Like many others her age, my daughter regularly puts on a blanket-cape and runs around singing “let it go, let it go!” Somehow, this took effect even before we’d seen the movie. Disney’s marketing is second to none.

As an old codger, of course, it is clear to me that this Disney film is far inferior to the Disney movies from when I was a kid, by which I of course mean The Lion King. My wife and I have started playing music from it, in hopes of occasionally hearing a different song sung.

So far, we’ve only managed to get Be Prepared stuck in our heads all day.

But I noticed something: when Scar lets the hyenas in on his plot, he doesn’t promise them power, glory, or even revenge. His pitch is much simpler:

Stick with me and you’ll never go hungry again!

And that’s it. The hyenas go wild at this. If you listen closely, you’ll hear them singing in the background, “We’ll have food! Lots of food!”

The hyenas had a pretty legitimate grievance here. The existing king had exiled them to elephant graveyards and was literally starving them. Why wouldn’t they ally with Scar? Sure, they had to kill Mufasa to get at their food, but both lions and hyenas have to kill to eat anyway. That’s the circle of life, after all.

For all we paint Scar as evil and power-mad, he was a lion of his word, and he really did try to unite the lions and the hyenas. The hyenas did not even use their new power to retaliate against the formerly dominant lions. They had every reason and right to rebel, and their coup was about as bloodless as these things can be.

The king who faithfully judges the poor, his throne shall be established continuously.” Mufasa failed in this, and he received his just reward.