Aladdin liveblog

Liveblogging of Aladdin is about to begin!

Not just any Aladdin, either. This is the platinum edition. Enhanced for the home theater!

I don’t remember all the words to Arabian Nights. This saddens me.

Wait, they changed it? Then I do remember the words!

More proof that everything was better when I was a kid, including things from when I was a kid.

I have just been informed that I am in fact watching the Platinum Politically Correct Cleansed of Badthink Edition.

It’s strange when you consider that the entire story is really just made up by a sketchy salesman trying to sell you tchotchke.

Aladdin is a smart, able bodied fellow. Why doesn’t he get a freakin’ job instead of stealing bread?

I hadn’t realized it until now, but Aladdin is clearly a statist parable. Consider Aladdin. Perfectly capable of going out, working hard, and bettering himself, but he doesn’t. Instead, he sits back and wishes for riches to just be given to him. The ideal citizen! All that is lacking is some all-powerful entity to grant his wishes. Enter the government/the genie. The Genie is of course Blue. Everything is going great, until the bad guy, who is robed in red, steals control of the Govergenie. It’s so obvious! Wake up sheeple!

A chase ending in manure! The BttF classic move!

Aladdin has self esteem issues. I bet getting a JOB would help with that.

Princess is uninterested in all these boring, reliable, super-rich princes. Clearly she needs an exciting bad boy to come along.

The sultan and Jafar pose the age old question: would you rather be ruled by dumb and good, or smart and evil?

Or maybe they answer it. Good and dumb is the nominal ruler, but we know Jafar actually runs the place.

There’s got to be a good story behind how Jafar and Iago connected.

I wish I had a monkey sidekick.

“Touch nothing but the lamp.” And the magic carpet, I guess.

Monkey sidekicks: good for getting out of prison, bad for getting out of caves of wonder.

The carpet ride out of the cave of wonders was the hardest part of the SNES video game.

The cave closed much more quickly for the first guy.

And here’s Robin Williams. Now I have a sad.

Tricking an all-powerful being who has probably been driven insane by solitary confinement may not be the smartest move. Especially when you have a magic carpet which can do the job just as well.

See? The genie himself just used the carpet.

Aladdin’s first wish is to be a prince. But the whole rest of the movie is about how he’s not really a prince. He should get the wish refunded.

Have viziers always been evil, or is Aladdin responsible for that stereotype?

Jasmine really should recognize him. He’s not even wearing glasses as a disguise.

Aladdin can fly and completely hide his identity with the flimsiest disguises. He’s superman!

I wonder if we can get my daughter singing A Whole New World instead of Let it Go from now on.

Magic carpets were the hotrods of the past. Total chick magnet.

Jasmine should be happy that Aladdin isn’t dead, instead of being mad at him.

You’d think they’d be more careful about offing a visiting prince. That’s how you start a war.

Aladdin saw right through whole hypnostaff thing. How did he know about those?

“Praise Allah!” -Disney

They got engaged after just one date. Disney characters move quick.

I wouldn’t let the genie go free. Too dangerous to have such a powerful creature off leash.

I’d give him the option of turning human or staying put.

Aladdin is not dressed for a snowy wasteland at all. He doesn’t even have abs! Why show off your chest if you don’t have abs?

Jafar is a great villain. He has a bad pun to go along with every evil move he makes.

Contrariwise, the boss fight with Snake Jafar was not that hard.

Although you have to throw apples at him a bunch before tricking him.

Genie Jafar really illustrates the problem with freeing genies. You don’t know what they’ll do with those powers! (As the direct to video sequel illustrated.)

Aladdin, you don’t need to worry about wishes to spare for the genie. Let Jasmine use that wish!

It only took the sultan the entire movie to remember that he’s able to change laws.

Conclusion: Aladdin was as good as I remembered. Good characters, good story, well paced, well executed. Unlike Frozen.

You know, the movie never gets back to the sketchy merchant who was telling the story. But that last direct-to-video sequel *does*. I wonder if this was planned, or they just forgot and realized later.

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